Ski Patrol

Ski Patrol Movie Poster

Rating: ★★★★☆ 

Oh, Ski Patrol… where do I begin?  This entry from 1990 is “from the producers of Police Academy,” and man does it show.  If you took Ski Patrol, took it out of the mountain setting and put it in an urban background and replaced the red ski patrol jackets with the blue uniforms of police cadets, you’d have a Police Academy movie.  Only instead of Mahoney, Hightower, Zedd, and Tackleberry, you’ve got Jerry Cramer (Roger Rose), Iceman (T.K. Carter ), Stanley (Paul Feig), Murray (Leslie Jordan), and Martinez (George Lopez).  Following the Police Academy formula for success(?), you’ve got to have a loveable, fatherly, leader for the “good guys.”  Ski Patrol gives us Pops (Ray Walston) to fill that role, whilst the role of dastardly villain is adequately embodied in the personage of Maris (Martin Mull).  Surprisingly, all of these stars were either already relatively established or actually went on to make a name for themselves.

 

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Stuck

Stuck Movie Poster

Rating: ★★☆☆☆ 

Have you ever wondered what you’d do if (God forbid!) you ever hit someone with your car?  If you’re like most people, then you’d more than likely stop, render aid, call the police and pray that your insurance rates skyrocketing is the worst thing that happens to you.  Then there is Brandi from today’s 2007 film, Stuck.  Some of you may remember the horrific story of Chante Miller, who hit a homeless man with her car while driving under the influence.  The man became lodged (one might even say, “stuck”) in the passenger side windshield and instead of stopping to get help, she drives home and keeps the car locked in the garage for two days with her unwilling guest STUCK in the windshield.  Sound intriguing?  You bet.  Did Stuck take this intriguing story and turn into a blockbuster smash?  Well, it won some Indie film festival awards which is pretty awesome, but honestly, I don’t remember it ever being released in theaters nationwide.

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Teeth: This One Bites

Teeth movie poster

Rating: ★★★☆☆ 

Up on the block is 2007′s Teeth, starring Jess Weixler as the film’s protagonist Dawn O’Keefe.

Let’s just get something right out of the way, before I even start the review:   Yes, this movie is about a ravenous toothed vagina.

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